This is only the first week of my new semester, and I am already in the straits of dilemma. Every problem, every situation is just so perplexing. How others see no longer bothers me, but what am I gonna be after I graduate? This question has being bugging me for quite some time. Which path should I take in future? This isnt the main problem that is bugging me. After today, I came up with a conclusion; never get caught in a love dilemma. That is exactly the main problem that is bugging me.
Many pushed me to her, many think that we are compaitable or some may think she is the only one compaitable for me. However, I dun exactly know hw I feel. It is kinda mixed up and all, and I reallie dunnoe how to clear this dilemma, no matter how hard I asked God. Guess I still have to wait. I dun mind waiting, but my mind is splitting! I cant stand this reallie. This is what I asked for my ideal partner. Simple yet hard to find:
She had most of the qualities which I asked for but she missed out the most important thing, that is she isnt a Christian. The Bible stated in Chinese，“不可娶外邦女子为妻”. Simply put as I am not allowed to marry someone who is a non Christian. There is also another thing which made me real confused about, which is I dunnoe hw she feels. Her feelings to me are sometimes hot, sometimes cold. Sometimes I feel the feeling is there, sometimes i tink she feels nothing. Worse of all is I am not sure whether its another false feeling of mine, thinking I am finally able to forget Audrey for good. Lets say it is reallie another false feeling of mine; If she doesnt like mi, thats easy to solve. The most is I am a little hurt in the inside. However, if she does likes me, it will look as if I am cheating her feelings. Alvin is right, I have somehow created a psychological barrier for myself which somehow made me unable to express any feelings. That is why I look cold and unfeeling on the outside.