`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
A new chapter has begun
I have decided to start a new chapter in life. My dream has ended before the new year in the chinese calender. Now I have decided to embark on a new journey in life starting from nw.
I have begun to lose confidence and hope in girls now, seriously. I know scenes in movies and dramas doesnt necessary happen in real life, I cant help but think that they arent totally bullshitting. I just watched the new Jack Neo movie called "Love Happens". Okay away from all the jokes which Jack Neo likes to add into his movies, I feel a little uncomfortable watching tt movie. The experiences in which i see in these shows seemed so familiar. To sum it all, I am someone who want to protect girls but cant trust them. Sounds contradicting i noe, but put urself in my shoes, u will noe why.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Frens to heal ur wounds
Feeling better today, after meeting my same old grp of poly mates, Ben, Raymond and Wei Siang. They are frens whu went thru thick and thin with mi. Definitely better than those useless unit mates of mine. In addition to that, someone unexpectedly message me, and to my surprise is a girl. Eleanor, my sec sch junior. Ok i dunno whether she is considered my junior, cuz it is like when she enrolled in bartley, i m already in my poly year 2. Nevertheless, she smsed mi to ask abt my ex and mi. I was really touched to at least noe the fact that there are still ppl out there whu cares abt me. Thanks Eleanor! I am trying my best to pronounce ur name in the most slang manner, haha as a respect to u.
Friday, January 23, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Bad year 2009
The kick off of 2009 hasnt been a smooth one. Never in my life have I started a year so badly. When I was attached early december 2008, I thought all was well for me. I m not prepared for a sudden breakup in year 2009 and I wasnt even expecting it, but it did happened to me. I dunno how to face it for I am a greenhorn in such relationships. It seems that I have been used as a toy. I met her yesterday to take back my Death Note movie series from her. She handed it to me and just walked away without turning back. All this while, I have been holding on to tis glimpse of hope that she might patch back with me, but it seems that the answer is "dream on". I have alwaes been the world's biggest fool whenever it comes to situation like this. I was still holding on to the neoprints that we took. Behind the photo I wrote this message, "I never ever regretted being together with you, and I have treasured every min of our time together. The only regret that I had was not being able to make our relationship last. I am sorry..." I prepared to pass it to her when she pass me the DVDs. However, she walked awae so briskly that I wasnt fast enough to react to it. In the end, I chose to throw those photos into the dustbin. I know it isnt her fault cuz in a relationship, u cant blame either party. It could be her frens whu r brainwashing her. Well studies have shown that most men and women treat frens more importantly and trust them more than their partners. However, women are the more extreme party as they tend to trust their frens eyesight more than wad their partner can give them. Well what can I do? Her frens never seen me before. They might be those sadistic women who are eager to see the sorrow of a man, so they so called "brainwashed" her to make tis happen.
In addition to all these miserable exp., my unit plt mates arent giving mi a good time either. They are somehow prejudiced against me and I seemed to feel more alone in camp than ever. I am the only one in the whole plt whu doesnt have the rights to feel angry, flare up, show emotions, or vent anger. And I meant all the others have the rights to do tt but nt me. Wadever I do, they will alwaes have sth to sae. I tried to be nice, but they take treat me oppositely. I tried to forget it but I just cant. All men have temper, why cant I vent it? I am really super unhappy in my own unit. No one to turn to. How I wish BMT is all the requirements we need to get back our Pink I/C. It seems that these heartless creatures will land me in DB anytime in my remaining months in army.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Some memories will turn out to haunt u
It has been 2 weeks plus without her in my life. I have been covering myself with loads of stuff to avoid misery, but as you can see I am no good at this. Memories still swirl in my mind. Thank God for friends around me, but sometimes, I cant just forget it. It is like a sweet dream turned nightmare to me. My friends were like comforting me, telling me that it might be that she is just out to cheat my feelings, so be thankful that she ended it early and dun get into a r/s so fast animore.
I admit that this relationship developed so fast that it never occur to me if it is a true one or have I just turned into a girl's play thing. One thing for sure that the memories shared during our 3 yrs of r/s, I am unable to forget it right now. It was so true that I even made future plans. Now all of a sudden, I have to end those plans. My heart throbs everytime the MRT passed by Tiong Bahru or Bugis, for these 2 places are our fav. hideouts. Bugis brought back the most memories as that was where we first met. I guess I will avoid these two places in future...
Monday, January 12, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Have u ever...
I am back to single life again. A sweet dream which lasted less than a month (pathetically). I knew this was a dream too good to be true from the start, but I chose not to end it until yesterday, when she ended it herself.
From the start, I never believed that girls would fall for me. In terms of looks, i dun have it, even after i slimmed down. Even now, there r girls who look at my photo and thinks that I am ugly, one even said it right in my face. In terms of wealth, ha! I am worse than a pauper. Who would like a poor and ugly guy like me. I committed myself in a dream r/s which i knew is never true. A 3rd world ugly guy like me would never be able to see a beautiful r/s...unless i go for a full plastic surgery.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Clouden 14 says: no.... Clouden 14 says: it's because you made us learn how to control fear which our heart Clouden 14 says: with all the hard work you pulled thru....it warms our heart Clouden 14 says: makes us stonger when you were out...to pull thru not because only for us but for you too Clouden 14 says: you were that extra heart for us Clouden 14 says: you gave us the meaning of ''using your heart''
Thanks nigel, ur words will make me brave thru all the insults which i would faced frm my pathetic unit mates.
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Operation over..waiting for removal of stitches
Right was intending to blog yesterday but oh well, just finished my day surgery in SGH. After the anaesthetic wore off, both my ears started to have the stitching pain. So I ate the painkillers which the doctor had prescribed me with. I guess those were not painkillers after all. My guess is those are sleeping pills, which would make mi go into a deep sleep so that I wun feel the pain, cuz thats exactly what happened to me. I slept from like 1pm to 3:30pm. When I wake up, I no longer feel the pain but damn, my pillow was stained cuz my right ear was bleeding while i was sleeping. Luckily it was just a tear drop stain. I must say those medicine are real useful to me as I am having insonmia tis few nights due to something which I dun want to mention here. Those who knows me shld know why.
I wish that I can gulp down those pills and sleep forever. But hey, Aviva Insurance will not cover the loss of life due to sucide, my family will lose out tis wae. Besides, I havent found out the reason why she is ignoring me. There are clues but arent clear. I mean no one bring up the topic of breaking up with his/her partner thru blog. It is either thru phone, sms or in person. So I aint sure yet, just hope she doesnt. If in the end, the problem is that she cheated my feelings, then I am the world's most foolish person if i committed sucide. Worst of all is that she didnt want to break up and the reason why she hadnt been replying is due to her tight schedule, I would have her another person besides my family and loved ones.
I have my dear frens, brothers and sisters of Christ who will stood by me. Especially my group of bros and sis of Christ, Sgt Jamin, Raymond, Xiang Jun who would listened to me. Why shld I do sth stoopid. I will just sit quietly and wait for a reply.
Went a so called short tour around my place's nearest shopping mall, Parkway Parade. Bought two ordinary dry tech polo tee, white and pink. Was looking for Cyan color, but it was out of stock, so I made do with the pink one, since I dun have tt color. Den went over to 77th street to look for an accessories. I made it a pt to buy a new accesory for myself before CNY. These time i bought a cross chain. Looks cool. Last of all, went over to Sembawang Music Centre to buy "BY2" music album, the duo who are like only 16 of age. Real talented girls, pretty too. Remind me of...well it doesnt matter. Cashier told me to find one more item, cuz they were having promotion. 2 albums, 10% discount. 3 at 15% discount. Well, I only managed to find 1 more album which catches my eye, quite old too though. Angela 5.0 album. Love her songs, though her pitch are a bit too high.
Well now I am back home, all prepared for tmr's church sundae sch and spring cleaning lolx. Being busy isnt such a bad thing after all, at least I aint thinking anithing stoopid.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Identify your friends
2nd day in Stagmont camp, time pass so slowly here. A hypnotiser bombing us with some stoopid information which cant be registered in my brains totally. However, I learnt many other things about life within one day.
Well I can sae I learn it thru the hard day. Days in unit aint like the days in BMT, where majority of the ppl u work with r like true brothers to u. None except one are like those in my current unit, although we r of the same rank. You might us, "Whats the difference? Aren't they humans too?" Yeah they are humans, but they dunnoe u well enough, and somehow i think the company i was in BMT have much humble ppl than other companies. Ok basically, they have been thru things with u in which ur other camp mates nv went thru. Imagine u labelled as a 'weakling' or 'chao keng' when u r Out-Of-Training by ur camp mates. There are people who are still recruits in my unit, but they dun believe the reason why I was given out-of-training. In fact, ALL of them took it as a joke and laughed at me, "if you are that great, why not sign on?" Esp. 2 of my course mates back when we were still trainees, one piece of fat lard and one fake monk. However, I met my BMT buddy yesterday in Stagmont camp and he told me something which made me bear with those disgusting insults my camp mates hurled at me. He said that there r some Privates who pass out of BMT by acting and hiding like a coward and den get pass it as easy as ABC. Although I didnt complete my BMT, I went thru it being myself and facing it like a man, without hiding around like a coward. If there is one thing that I lost to them is that I am not smart enough to get thru BMT the easier way but thru the true hard way. Well it made me feel a lot better, at least I feel that I am not alone. He even added that if I really want them to shut their mouths up, the whole Bronco Company Plt 4 is behind me. There are like 48 recruits who can be my testimonies. Well, after hearing that, I feel that I shld bear with the sing song attitude tt my camp mates have towards my BMT. At least, I gained the respect of 48 true brothers of my BMT company. Thanks guys.
Today, I felt so alone in the emart despite it being crowded. I went there to get my beret and the cap badge. However, my E-credits are running short, so I need to borrow. None of my unit mates are willing to loan mi any, and one preferred to loan to another guy, the rest wanted to keep them to themselves. I called my BMT buddy, but his handphone was switched off, i guess he is on course or something. The only guy who will definitely come to my aid is uncontactable, so how? Den I remembered, one of my church bros is in Stagmont as a Signaller Spec, so I called him. And Thank God, he was in camp! He came down to the e-mart with his 11B and paid with his credits. Thanks Jamin, it is no wonder ur men said good things abt u, u r reallie a great commander. Fully-transformed Christians are natural welfare leaders who take care of their men, that I can guarantee. I realised how stoopid I was to be spending too much time with my camp mates instead of my plt mates and my church mates. They are the real and true family in my life. Like Sgt Jamin, he came down to my aid without grumbling. I know exactly how far it is to walk from his unit over to the e-mart, but he still did it selflessly just to pay for my beret and my camp badge. I promised to put in more time to Church committments instead of the meaningless cohesions within the unit or camp mates.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
LOST
Not in the mood to blog yesterday...cuz I escaped death like 3 times? First was at the MRT station, I stand in between the doors when the train door opened. Didnt go in until someone pulled me in. Second was when I was waiting for cab. I flagged for the cab in the middle of the road. A truck honked mi to consciousness before I ran back to the pavement to continue waiting. Third was the stairs, I walked down the stairs without looking at the steps, almost fell from the top when I "eyeballed" my steps. I admit I wasnt in the right mind for the whole day, even when meeting out with the guys. First we played LAN at somewhere near Dhoby Ghaut interchange. They wanted to play DOTA, but I wasnt interested in that game. Wanted to play Audition at first, but it took forever to update, and that game really pains my heart now. So played Counterstrike, and the guys joined me first before carrying on with their game. I was like totally outta my mind in that game, being killed before I even buy weapons. I was so pissed that I bought the biggest machine guns and fire all the available rounds at anyone I see on the screen. I really need some professional counselling right now. So stressed and hurt emotionally. I dunno if she is still angry with me, but I have a feeling she is. She might not be angry with me, but I am sure she is angry with someone. Never see her lose her temper like that before. Now my only concern is, does this have to do with me. I no longer see her cheerful msges with smileys all over it. JUST WHAT HAPPENED??!!! Why am i such a failure to notice these stuff?? I m close to having a sucidal mind right now, wonder who on earth can help me...she is like totally ignoring me. At first I thought she is having some orientation camp with the secondary ones. But come to think of it, given her character, she will inform me and tell me she is unavailable due to the camp, but she didnt. I called her like numerous times yesterday, she didnt ask why, which she normally does. I am completely lost right now, I dunno wad will happened to be in camp tmr with a subconscious state of mind....might screw up a couple of things
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
New unit, new resolution, new life
Yeah! Finally received my formation badge le! XDD Well nth to be cheerful about, but at least now my uniform wun look so 'empty'. Good start for 2009, my PC is a good and friendly chap, not a stuck up asshole (tts a relief).
It is my dar dar's first day of school for 2009. Poor girl, wun be able to have 8 hrs of beauty sleep soon. T.T Was actually suppose to meet after school but sth crop up. She had CCA and after that, she had her own gathering. My new resolution for the new year is to STOP BEING SO PETTY! As long as I can change in this area, I am sure our relationship will last long. We have to start to get used to not being able to meet so often, so might as well start now. She will be busy with her exams and studies and I will be standing by and protecting the country 24/7, so wun have much time for her too. Tis too put our relationship thru a test. If we r able to pass this, our r/s would be much stronger, dun you think? ^.^ I wonder wad she is so angry abt...seldom see her so angry..but i m glad to hear frm her tt is nt mi ^.^ haha.
Cheer up dar dar XD! 生气会很快老喔！
Thursday, January 01, 2009
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Lost right now
I am very lost right now. Why am I such a jealous guy? Why am I so petty? Why do i lack self-confidence? WHY?? She didnt sae tt she is angry...but somehow I can feel that I reallie pissed her off tis time. Why am i such a jealous guy? The moment I see that she was out with a guy, I just feel tis fiery temper built up within me. But I meant no harm, I just dun want to lose her. Curse tis army life of mine, I m starting to build up my temper again. I am sorry my dear...pls give mi a chance to make it up to u. I dun want to lose u.
`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Single=stressed and lonely Attached=Stressed
I dunno how u define the difference between single and being attached. There r like thousand of weird question racing in my mind now. The main one however, is does she reallie love me? I reallie dunno, I only know that I love her. I m lost, even after I m attached. Had chat with a fren and she give mi an advice tt made mi even more tongue tied.
I dunno how a girl's mind work..but she does have a pt. But maybe i shall just keep it to myself, i dun want others to sae tt i m the petty sort. More importantly...i dun 1 2 lose her...
eXiä
SETSUNA name: Darren Ng age: 21
Occupation: SAF Gundam Meister
bday: 06101988
WISH
*Christ 2nd coming
*A just world
*God's better half for me
