Gundam 00 - Gundam Meister

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Guard Duty tmr (SOLO)

Shall make a quick post here as I wun be able to blog tmr due to guard duty.

Well frankly speaking, my guard duty wasnt suppose to be tmr. On paper, my duty was listed on Wednesday. I was suppose to do duty with someone whom i treat as a fren. But this fren actually requested me to switch duty dates with his other fren who is supposedly doing tmr. The reason is obvious; he refuse to do his guard duty with me. Well I am getting used to it, being a SOF in the unit. Now all I hope is things will be moving towards the brighter side when I report to my new section tmr. Everything would be as smooth as it should be until I ORD. No more backstabbings, no more speculations, no more fights and humiliations, just a world of my own till i ORD.

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
chocs that taste even more bitter than dark ones

Have been faking my smiles as usual tis few daes. Dun really noe why I m in such a lousy mood for such a long time. The news of me posting back to Ayer Rajar Camp made me happy for a short moment but gone back to the lousy mood when I realized that I am still facing other problems.

To make my already foul mood worse, my mum placed the chocs that my ex bought for me as a belated Christmas present in the refrigerator. I knew it only just a few moments ago, when my dad asked who placed a box of rocher in the regfrigerator. Well, I did lie to my mum that it was from one of the warrant officers in my unit, so she didnt elaborate anything more or less.

I took one of it and I am sad to say that this is the first time, I tasted chocolates so bitter. I tried the normal rochor, and it taste so much bitter than the dark ones. Well it isnt the chocs problem, it was my problem. Those chocs somehow bring me back to the time we had our first...well forget it. No point elaborating so much on it. It is all over and for goodness sake, she wun be here to see my entries. Even if she does, she wun feel a thing. It was just a phoney relationship to her, probably one which allows her to pass her boredom during her school holidays, and I was that idiot who took the bait, thinking that it is true and lasting love.

I still want to find the right one, although i m like kinda scared to step into the game circle again. Once bitten twice shy. I am badly bitten, I was used as a bait. I cant recover in a short period of time, esp. when it comes to the wounds which are inflicted on my heart. NEVER push the irresponsible party in a R/S to us guys, not all girls are saints. Some are worse than devils, whose existence even threatens Satan to give up his seat.

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
darn tired

shall not blog much today. Shifting was a hard job today, but fruitful. I guess army is not a totally no feel place afterall.

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
shouts of a hurt person

I find it hard to control my emotions recently. Throughout the years, I have alwaes been able to conceal it properly. Deep within me, there is 2 me. The one who acts normal and the other who cant control emotions. I have been alwaes the supress the other me, until recently.

I alwaes act as if nth is wrong with me. My face is all the time expressionless. When someone share jokes, I laugh like a hyenna. I did all this to conceal all the unhappiness within me. It is tiring yes, but it beats showing my emotions to others. However, I lost control of my other self recently.

I flare up easily, I even shouted in public. I should elaborate on that I guess.

Recently, I stopped by Bugis for a stroll. I dunno wad brought me there, but I was totally uncomfortable even if it is just a casual stroll. I walked passed Ichiban, the place where I celebrated her birthday with a strawberry cake. Flashbacks came and I was getting really uncomfortable. I continued strolling around Bugis Junction and guess wad, I walked passed a place which gives me strong flashbacks, so strong that I shouted in the middle of the shopping mall. I walked pass the neoprint shop where we first took our neoprints together. Flashbacks kept coming to me like missles and @ the next moment, my wallet dropped on the floor and her pic was right inside, the one we took in the neoprint shop; the lost copy. I couldnt bear the sorrows within me and I kneeled down and shouted. Some passerbys stopped and asked me if I need ani help, I just mumbled that I sprained my leg accidentally and pretended to limped awae. I told myself that i will control myself closely from now on, however I failed again.

Friday after the Team Building Team Learning, one of my old sec sch frens asked me to watched the Jack Neo's movie Love matters with her. Shee asked me to wait for her @ Tiong Bahru Plaza's Golden Village and my heart throbbed. I was reluctant to but since I hadnt met her for a long time, I went down to wait for her. There was where we watched our first and last movie, needless to sae more and strong flashbacks. My head was pratically spinning while waiting for her. Soon she came and we bought our tickets. Worst of all, I didnt noe that she was with her boifren, if nt i wouldnt even be present. Halfwae thru the movie, I caught a glimpse of them so blissful together, hugging each other and...it reminds me of all those memories which will nv be back again. I rmbr hw much i plead her for patch up, but she was reluctant. I was so sad and down that I left halfwae thru the movie. I even kicked the trashcan near the lift and made a few ppl jumped. My fren was so worried that she called and asked wad happened. I just gave a lame excuse by saying that I was called up by my unit.

Sorry Penny, I didnt meant to lie to u. But I was rather affected abt wad happened between me and my ex. I reallie envy ur bf and u, be sure to treasure him yeah.

I just hope it will nv affect me from acheiving my goal, for nw i m rather lost. She helped me find my goal in life. However, now that she has left mi, I m lost in life.

All I want is to be together with u again...

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
BMT daes flashbacks

I was actually prepared to sleep early at 9pm today, so that I would have ample energy tmr morning to travel to CCK mrt station without falling asleep in the train. However, those frequent flashbacks I had of my BMT daes made me wake up and I couldnt go to sleep. Sometimes I just hate having flashbacks, especially when I am trying to sleep.

However, I cant deny how much I missed BMT daes and how much I regretted putting too much effort without watching my physical condition during my BMT period. If I have had been more careful, I wouldnt have end up in this state, being in a unit full of people wearing masks.

I wonder how long more it is to my ORD. With unit mates like mine, I m more eager to ORD than anibody else. Losing friendship and luv all within a fortnight, is too much for me to bear. There is no justice in this world. Someone somewhere someplace have to change this somehow.

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
Aint in a good mood

These few days, or should I sae weeks, I m like having moodswings. No I aint having menses for God sake. I just dunno why. Since the dae we broke up, I seemed to have a piece missing from me and I feel very uneasy. I just hope I can get over it soon, it aint a good feeling to keep goin.

eXiä