Gundam 00 - Gundam Meister

`Gundam 00 dispatching enemy ;
shouts of a hurt person

I find it hard to control my emotions recently. Throughout the years, I have alwaes been able to conceal it properly. Deep within me, there is 2 me. The one who acts normal and the other who cant control emotions. I have been alwaes the supress the other me, until recently.

I alwaes act as if nth is wrong with me. My face is all the time expressionless. When someone share jokes, I laugh like a hyenna. I did all this to conceal all the unhappiness within me. It is tiring yes, but it beats showing my emotions to others. However, I lost control of my other self recently.

I flare up easily, I even shouted in public. I should elaborate on that I guess.

Recently, I stopped by Bugis for a stroll. I dunno wad brought me there, but I was totally uncomfortable even if it is just a casual stroll. I walked passed Ichiban, the place where I celebrated her birthday with a strawberry cake. Flashbacks came and I was getting really uncomfortable. I continued strolling around Bugis Junction and guess wad, I walked passed a place which gives me strong flashbacks, so strong that I shouted in the middle of the shopping mall. I walked pass the neoprint shop where we first took our neoprints together. Flashbacks kept coming to me like missles and @ the next moment, my wallet dropped on the floor and her pic was right inside, the one we took in the neoprint shop; the lost copy. I couldnt bear the sorrows within me and I kneeled down and shouted. Some passerbys stopped and asked me if I need ani help, I just mumbled that I sprained my leg accidentally and pretended to limped awae. I told myself that i will control myself closely from now on, however I failed again.

Friday after the Team Building Team Learning, one of my old sec sch frens asked me to watched the Jack Neo's movie Love matters with her. Shee asked me to wait for her @ Tiong Bahru Plaza's Golden Village and my heart throbbed. I was reluctant to but since I hadnt met her for a long time, I went down to wait for her. There was where we watched our first and last movie, needless to sae more and strong flashbacks. My head was pratically spinning while waiting for her. Soon she came and we bought our tickets. Worst of all, I didnt noe that she was with her boifren, if nt i wouldnt even be present. Halfwae thru the movie, I caught a glimpse of them so blissful together, hugging each other and...it reminds me of all those memories which will nv be back again. I rmbr hw much i plead her for patch up, but she was reluctant. I was so sad and down that I left halfwae thru the movie. I even kicked the trashcan near the lift and made a few ppl jumped. My fren was so worried that she called and asked wad happened. I just gave a lame excuse by saying that I was called up by my unit.

Sorry Penny, I didnt meant to lie to u. But I was rather affected abt wad happened between me and my ex. I reallie envy ur bf and u, be sure to treasure him yeah.

I just hope it will nv affect me from acheiving my goal, for nw i m rather lost. She helped me find my goal in life. However, now that she has left mi, I m lost in life.

All I want is to be together with u again...

eXiä